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Yesterday afternoon I returned from the funeral of my father-in-law. His wife of nearly 58 years now lives on as a widow. How timely that they - widows - should be the theme of our insight this week. I feel I have a new appreciation of the special needs of such people, and of the responsibilities that we as family and church members have toward them.
John Stott points out that the Bible not only has much to say about widows, but that it honours them in ways that most cultures do not. "Too often," he writes, "a married woman is defined only in relation to her husband. Then, if he dies, she loses not only her spouse but her social significance as well" (p. 128). She is left, in other words, a social nobody. While this is not always the case, it does happen. It highlights the plight of widowhood. A widow loses more than just the physical company of her husband when he dies. She loses the one who - ideally anyway - has been her closest confidant, her wisest counsellor, and her immediate protector. The death of her husband leaves her not only lonely but vulnerable and to a degree unprotected. Little surprise that God should have a special concern for such people, and that he expects their family and church community to have it as well.
Paul has a series of instructions for Timothy on this matter. "Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need," he writes (1 Timothy 5:3). By "proper recognition" (honour), he clearly means more than "keeping tabs" on widows to make sure that they are not forgotten. He also means more than giving them the emotional support they need to cope with their loss. The larger discussion (vv. 3-16) makes it clear that Paul has in mind their practical or material support as well.
The children and grandchildren of widows bear special responsibility in this regard. They are to "put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents" (v. 4). Timothy was to make a particular point of giving people these instructions (v. 7). Failure to care for dependent family would bring dishonour ("blame") upon the faith. "If anyone does not provide for his relatives," Paul says, "and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (v. 8). Strong, but vitally important words! While there is a place for the church to provide for widows who are truly in need (v. 3,5), the first responsibility for their care falls upon their family.
"Here," writes John Stott, is an issue of considerable contemporary importance. As the medical care of the elderly improves, particularly in the West, the average age of the population continues to rise. There are many more old folk than ever before. Geriatric wards, homes and hospitals are full. And it is fine that the church and the government should provide these. But not if it means that senior citizens are abandoned or neglected by their own relatives. African and Asian cultures, which have developed the extended in place of the nuclear family, are a standing rebuke to the West in this matter. Verse 8 tells us that it is a fundamental Christian duty to provide for our relatives" (p. 131).
We need to take these words seriously. They remind us that a godly life is not only about prayer and worship and Bible-reading - what we might call "God-ward" activities. It is also about living with one another in a way that reflects the heart of our heavenly Father. It is about being kind, caring and compassionate toward those who are in special need. Church leaders can never rest content with churches that have great worship, great preaching, and great outreach. They must also intentionally develop a church culture that cares deeply. And the place where that care is to begin is in the home and in the wider family.