Returning to pastoral
ministry has forced me to face up to the giants that constantly stalk and intimidate
me. I am thinking of the giants of the fear and insecurity in particular. To
some degree I’ve been protected from these in the structured life of
theological college teaching, but in pastoral ministry, they are hard to
escape.
That’s true because
pastoral ministry is especially about people and relationships, the environment
deadly giants love to inhabit. Getting close to people – as you do when you pastor
them – takes you into a world where the unexpected can hit you at any moment.
While there are choice moments, there can be painful interactions as well. As
others reveal their hearts to you, and you to them, the possibilities of misunderstanding,
shocking discovery, surprise, betrayal and conflict all escalate. The potential
for pain is never far away.
One common way we try to
insulate ourselves from hurt is by keeping our distance from people. We operate
a policy of “limited disclosure.” We may be willing enough to probe the lives
of others, but we keep our own inner lives to ourselves. Everyone his handled
at arm’s length – nicely and politely, but distantly nevertheless.
Another mechanism is
avoidance. To protect ourselves from the pain (and often the burden) of
relational intimacy we can simply avoid people altogether. Or if we don’t do
that, we can at least avoid certain issues when we interact with them. We skirt
around problems, avoid controversial matters, and steer clear of hobby-horses.
That way we can keep our feet clean and our hearts intact.
You can probably think
of other ways you try to avoid the giants in your life. The fact is, however,
fleeing from giants is not God’s way of dealing with them. He doesn’t mean us to
cower before the things that frighten us or run away from the things that anger
us. He wants us to face them squarely in his strength and overcome them. It’s
not a matter of having strength in ourselves to do this – we haven’t. Our fear-
or anger-filled responses tell us something about ourselves first of all. They
are symptoms of spiritual heart disease in us that needs to be doctored with
the gospel. The way to combat our giants is never to put on a brave face (to
talk ourselves into “doing it”), or to wear a mask of amiability (give the
appearance that all is well on the outside). It’s about confessing our
weaknesses to Christ, seeking his forgiveness, and embracing his power to
overcome.
And he can enable us to do
that. Look at Peter the apostle. What a contrast between the cowardly,
Christ-denying disciple in the high priest’s courtyard (Mark 14:66-72) and the
bold lion of a man facing the Sanhedrin after Pentecost (Acts 4:1-21). What
made the difference? Acts 4:8 gives the answer: “Then Peter, filled with the
Holy Spirit, said to them...”
There you have it – the Spirit
of the Lord Jesus Christ filling and empowering a man. Left to himself Peter
was as weak as a kitten; empowered by the Spirit, he was as bold as a lion. The
giant-fearer became a giant-slayer. And that can happen to us too. I know,
because I’ve experienced it – not just once, but almost daily.